El Fin: A Month Later

Now I'm home, sitting in my childhood bed, watching Netflix and snuggling down in a Davidson sweatshirt. Things I would've missed 2 months ago in Arequipa but now am finding comforting but not overwhelmingly important.

My last month in Peru, from Halloween until Nov. 21st, was spent travelling. I slept in a jungle hut, wore native dress while visiting a floating Uros Island on Lake Titicaca, stood inside a Spanish cathedral that once was THE Inca sun temple in Cuzco and watched the sun set over the Pacific in Trujillo. I lived out of a suitcase for over 3 weeks and loved every minute of it. I caught a piranha. I saw a 3-toed sloth drag itself across the road in broad daylight. I met a shaman. I went over the continental divide at 16,000 ft. I ate lunch with a farming family just outside of Cuzco. I slept on a black beach and thought about nothing in particular. I relaxed.

Now I'm home, back to the craziness of Christmas. I got in just in time for a family Thanksgiving, the GRE and other major life decisions. For example, after my most recent to Davidson, I've decided to put off my MFA applications. I'm looking into teaching ESL at a local literacy center. I'm applying to a teaching/cultural ambassador program in Spain with a friend from Davidson. I'm home and every thing's the same while every thing's changing.

I still email with my host mom. Each letter makes me cry. Today, I talked to Fio on Facebook chat. I could only laugh when I realized that many of my friends finished exams today and are going home for winter break while today is Fio's start of summer vacation. That sounds so odd! Tonight, I practiced my Spanish by sitting at the table of one of my father's employees. Angel, the employee, is from Ecuador and has medical training. Now his step-daughter wants to be a pediatrician. I didn't catch every single word, but we understood each other. It felt like going home to something still not perfectly familiar. It was another home, though.

Now I'm home, about to attend a good friend's college graduation. This scares me because I only have a semester left until LIFE begins *duh duh duuuuh* Hopefully, this life will include many more travels, like my 1st to Peru. My only goal, teeny as it may be, is to see as many countries as I can in this life. Small, like I said.

I want to thank you, reader, for caring enough to read. I didn't even think about blogging until my best friend encouraged me to. When he did, however, all I could say was, "Who cares?!" But my Feedjit told me otherwise, all day, everyday while I was in Peru. My loved ones and even strangers began checking in on my life on a regular basis. They usually didn't comment, but I knew they were there, supporting me from home. So, again, thank you.

I'll end with a last Song of the Day. It was a fill-in-the-blank exercise for my Spanish class one day at UNSA, and it drove me crazy! Gian Marco is a Peruvian icon. He's on cellphone commercials, billboards, and all over the radio. He's basically the Billy Joel of Peru. This particular song is pure poetry. I'm including my (terrible, I'm sure) translation along with the lyrics. Read and listen. Disfrute y chao chao!

Retrato (Portrait)

I’m going to be a magician with a poem here tonight,
I am going to try to compile the heart,
Little by little confessing my diary and way of loving
Today my words only show what I am.


I am as complex as a book of theories
But simple, as if I started speaking about the sun
They say that I am usually a canteen or restaurant singer
And that I’m famous because of a love song.


I cut my hair because I detest combing it
And this tattoo is not a question of look,
I sold toys in the street
I slept on the beach and in the park,
I fell in love with my guitar on a balcony.


I have in a book the words of my mother
And in the memory of my father, a prayer,
They gave me so many good things,
They gave me wings and a thousand tests,
They taught me to always say “please”.


I have a little girl who lights up my day
And a woman who accelerates my heart,
I have defects and virtues
Sometimes I deliver for the clouds
When they speak to me and I don’t pay attention.


Today I undress, without fear, my happy times
And my sad times, I discover them without decency,
Today I keep on being the owner and the proprietor
Of my history and my dreams
And of my Friday nights at The Station. (Where he got his start)

For 11/17/09 (sorry!)

Yesterday was about perfect. Slept in for the 2nd day in a row. Went to the beach with my 3 gal pals and sunned a bun. Ate at our now-regular vegetarian restaurant, and we all tried a new dish. Took a group nap. Watched a movie. Had pizza for dinner.

As I was lying on the beach, I realized how tired I was of my typical music. Beyonce, Makano, Black Eyed Peas, etc. I wanted some oldies. So, I started listening to Chicago, Elton John and other random 70s songs. When the SotD came on, I was taken back to, strangely enough, Quaker Lake Camp.

It's your typical Christian youth camp. I don't remember much from my 1st year except my parents shipping me Big Bird ("Caution! Live animal!" on the box, punctured with air holes). And Justin. He was one of the few blonds I've ever fallen for. I wasn't even 10, but I was in LOOOOVE. He had a sidekick who was cute, too, but not quite as pensive as Justin. (Why have I ALWAYS found that attractive?!) One fond memory involving Justin was when all the kids in my age group made paper rockets that shot up only about 20 ft into the sky when lit. He was in my group. I remember painting my little rocket with spiraling blues and purples, and watching his face when they set my rocket on the launch pad. The pressure was on. HE was watching. Amazingly, my rocket the highest. Justin came up to me afterwards and said, "Cool rocket." He could've said, "Will you be my girlfriend?" It was all the same to me.

Why am I going on about this little boy? Well, what I remember most about camp was actually coming home and feeling very melancholy. There was something missing...him. So, I pulled a chair up to our home stereo system, climbed up and found Chicago's Greatest Hits on the highest shelf. I then snuck off to my room for hours of sitting by my CD player and listening to this song and "Look Away" (veeery emo song) This song, since then, has always been a favorite...but a little less emo. Read, listen and enjoy!

Hard to Say I'm Sorry/Get Away

“Everybody needs a little time away.”
I heard her say,
“From each other.”
“Even lovers need a holiday.
Far away, from each other”

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just the part of me I can't let go (Ooo ooo)

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't wanna be swept away
Far away, from the one that I love

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know

Hold me now
I really want to tell you I'm sorry
I could never let you go
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just the part of me I can't let go

After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to

You're gonna be the lucky one

When we get there gonna jump in the air
No one will see us 'cause there's nobody there
After all, you know we really don't care
Hold on, I'm gonna take you there

(this isn't the greatest version, but it's the best I could find)

A New Horizon

On my 10-hour bus ride yesterday, this song randomly came up on my iPod. Now it's stuck in my head. I love the words, so read them, and also watch the vid. It'll take you down memory lane to about ten years ago when this came out.

I'm gonna cross the road and lay out on the beach! :D (Ain't I a stinka?)

Strangers Like Me

Whatever you do, I'll do it too
Show me everything and tell me how
It all means something
And yet nothing to me

I can see there's so much to learn
It's all so close and yet so far
I see myself as people see me
Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there

I wanna know, can you show me
I wanna know about these
Strangers like me
Tell me more, please show me
Something's familiar about these strangers like me

Every gesture, every move that she makes
Makes me feel like never before
Why do I have
This growing need to be beside her?

Ooo, these emotions I never knew
Of some other world far beyond this place
Beyond the trees, above the clouds
I see before me a new horizon

Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Can you feel the things I feel
Right now, with you?
Take my hand
There's a world I need to know

Headin North: Start of Beach Vacation (for yesterday)

Fio, my host sister, listened to Michael Jackson everyday. Every. Single. Day. Whooo, now THAT's devotion! Before my arrival, though, she did NOT own "Will You Be There", the song from Free Willy. I was quite surprised. Therefore, I made sure to play it on my laptop almost everyday so I could share the joy. Then, at the end of my stay, I burned her a CD with lots of popular songs from today. Track #1, however, was this song. She almost cried, she was so happy.

This song sometimes sounds cheesy to me, depending on my mood. That's sad, actually, because I feel like MJ's being really REAL in this song. He's not holding back any emotion, and he's putting himself out there, asking, "Will you be there (for me)?" Personally, my favorite part of the song is the choir. Gives me chills every time. There's also several, epic key changes.

Here's to my little sister!

Will You Be There

Hold me
like the river Jordan,
and I will then say to thee
you are my friend.

Carry me
like you are my brother,
love me like a mother.
Will you be there?

Weary
tell me will you hold me?
When wrong,
will you scold me?
When lost,
will you find me?

But they told me
a man should be faithful
and walk when not able
and fight till the end,
but I'm only human.

Everyone's taking
control of me.
Seems that the world's
got a role for me.
I'm so confused.
Will you show to me?
You'll be there for me
and care enough to bear me.

(hold me)
show me
(lay your head lowly)
do me
(softly then boldly)
yeah
(carry me there)
I'm only human

(lead me)
hold me
(love me and feed me)
yea-ea-eah
(kiss me and free me)
yeah
(I will feel blessed)
I'm only human

(carry)
carry
(carry me boldly)
carry yeah
(lift me up slowly)
yeah
(carry me there)
I'm only human

(save me)
save meee
(heal me and bathe me)
lift me up, lift me up
(softly you say to me)
(I will be there)
I will be there

(lift me)
do me yea
(lift me up slowly)
(carry me boldly)
yea
(show me you care)show me you care

(hold me)
woah
(lay your head lowly)
get lonely sometimes
(softly then boldly) I get lonely
yeah
(carry me there)
carry me there

(need me)
wooh
(love me and feed me)
lift me up, hold me up
(kiss me and free me) pick me up sometime
oh sometime
(I will feel blessed

[spoken]
In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
and my tribulations
through our doubts
and frustrations
in my violence
in my turbulence
through my fear
and my confessions
in my anguish and my pain
through my joy
and my sorrow
in the promise of
another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
for you're always
in my heart.

Michael Jackson - New Music - More Music Videos

Why I Came This Way

Tomorrow morning, way too bright and early, I fly back to Lima. Saturday, I begin about a week of beaching it with some girl friends from the trip. Then the 21st, I'm comin' home!

It feels like forever now since the first time I saw the Southern Cross. At the time, I couldn't get this song out of my head. I remember tilting my head back in Lunahuana that first night and crying silently as I stared at those stars because it was all so new, beautiful and distant from everything I knew before.

I can't believe I haven't posted this yet. I enjoy Jimmy's version, but listen to the original, too, if you have the time! I better get to bed.

Southern Cross

Got out of town on a boat
Goin' to Southern islands.
Sailing a reach
Before a followin' sea.

She was makin' for the trades
On the outside,
And the downhill run
To Papeete.

Off the wind on this heading
Lie the Marquesas.
We got eighty feet of the waterline.
Nicely making way.

In a noisy bar in Avalon
I tried to call you.
But on a midnight watch I realized
Why twice you ran away.

Chorus:
Think about how many times
I have fallen
Spirits are using me,
larger voices callin'.
What heaven brought you and me
Cannot be forgotten.

I have been around the world,
Lookin' for that woman/girl,
Who knows love can endure.
And you know it will.

When you see the Southern Cross
For the first time
You understand now
Why you came this way

'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from
Is so small.
But it's as big as the promise
The promise of a comin' day.

So I'm sailing for tomorrow
My dreams are a dyin'.
And my love is an anchor tied to you
Tied with a silver chain.

I have my ship
And all her flags are a flyin'
She is all that I have left
And music is her name.

(Chorus)

So we cheated and we lied
And we tested
And we never failed to fail
It was the easiest thing to do.

You will survive being bested.
Somebody fine
Will come along
Make me forget about loving you.
At the Southern Cross.

It's Gonna Take a Lot to Take Me Away from You

Today's SotD takes me back to car rides and sing-alongs. To my 1st time hearing The Generals at Davidson. To learning that this was one of my mom's favorite bands. To making a playlist on my iPod while still at Davidson this past summer, entitled "Foreign on This Side".

This was one of the 1st songs that came to mind when I knew I was coming to Peru. I knew I would want to hear this on the plane ride there...and back. That last plane ride is only 10 days away now! Read, listen, sing along and look above and to Facebook to see what I've been up to lately.

Africa

I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She's coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way,
Hoping to find some old forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say,
"Hurry boy, It's waiting there for you!"

CHORUS:
It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never have

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what's deep inside,
Frightened of this thing that I've become

CHORUS

(Instrumental break)

Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you

Songs About Sunshine

I tend to be a happy person. That's just my nature. But when you're hiking through a sticky jungle with tons of bugs, weirded out on all types of meds, can't breathe because of a cold, and there's NO sun shining, it's not very easy for even me to be cheerful. The reason I mention the sun is because a lot of my happiness comes from sunlight. I always pick the bed near a window for that reason. That's also why I decided not to apply to that lovely, teeny, artsy college (Bennington) even though I lusted after their awesome literature classes. Just not enough hours of sun up there.

So, back to the jungle (or should I say, "rain forest", because it's SO true.) Our second day in the rain forest, (after a sunny, gorgeous 1st day), was a little bit overcast. I kept thinking, "Come on, Sun, come out to play!" but no deal. I started cracking jokes to cheer myself and others up, but it ended up only helping those around me. After threatening to cut somebody (as I so often do), Elisabeth cracked up and said, "Devon, I love you so much!" When I asked why, she responded, "Because you are always so happy! And that makes other people happy." I guess she didn't realize I wasn't really feeling the joy right then. Until we hiked down to our river boat.

As we stood in line on steep, slippery steps, waiting to board our only means of transportation, a few beams pierced through the clouds. And then there it was. A rainbow, arching perfectly over the river. Each end touched down in the hidden depths of the jungle on either side. Instantly, I was smiling again.

The songs for the day(s) (sorry, but I mean really, I've been in the Amazon!) are all about sunshine and how it connects to happiness. They're both pretty well-known, but still, listen and read the lyrics over. You might discover something new...

Brighter Than Sunshine

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didn't believe in destiny
I look up, you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
And it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
Suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me



Ain't No Sunshine

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know...

Hey, I ought to leave the young thing alone,
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone, only darkness everyday.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.

Another Hotel Room, Another Song

I'm in Cuzco now. After driving all day from the Puno/Lake Titicaca area northwest through mountains, over the continental divide, and past MORE mountains, we finally arrived. I should've slept the whole ride, what with my cold and all, but I was glued to the window. For hours, I watched the scenery go by, and it never got old. As for Cuzco,the city's downtown is in a valley, but much of the city sprawls up the surrounding mountains, the uniform roof tiles coloring everything orange.

Yesterday, we had dinner at a cool restaurant called the Fallen Angel. Typical expensive, tiny portions place. After that, we couldn't help it...we went to McDonald's. All I wanted was a McFlurry and boy did I get it! An Oreo Duo McFlurry with chocolate ice cream AND hot fudge. Mickey D's...you don't know what you're doing to me.

Feeling quite American and satisfied, I ate my ice cream without pause until this song came on (see below). Being me, I had to put down my spoon, get my shoulders bouncing and sing along. I tried to throw the "Oh (oh!) Oh (oh!)" part back and forth with Linda, but nobody was getting into the music quite like me.

Today, I've been dragging. And my spectrum of meds and side-effects doesn't really help. I'm currently on an anti-parasitic meds, a pro-bacteria pill, cold/allergy meds AND preventive malaria stuff. Wonderful. So, this type of song really picks me up, for example, when I finally wake up from a 4 hour nap :D Read, listen and enjoy! (And say a little prayer for me...I'd love to feel better for the next 3 days in the jungle) This one goes out to my favorite.

No One

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

(repeat chorus)

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try, try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there ain't no one

Tonight's Songs...

So, I'm in a comfy hotel in Puno, sharing a room with the wonderful Linda. She had the great idea to take turns playing mellow songs from our iTunes. She did the 1st song (which I already loved!) and I did the 2nd. Listen to both and read the words! Tomorrow, Lake Titicaca!

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m going back to the start



I'm With You

Starlight and wonder
The universe seen through your eyes
The moon is a glorious halo
Hanging high over your head every night
Spinning and spinning
A flick of the wrist and a smile
And in the morning so early
Deep conversations are spoken
in tongues by sunlight

Tonight, you can dream you're a star
You can walk on the clouds
And float to the ground
And I'm with you

We stare out the window
And look to the sky every night
The stars are the beacons of heaven
And maybe one day you'll go up for a ride
Oh, you are the sunshine
You are the face that I dream of
You are your mother's religion
Down on her knees as she
Kisses your heartache away

Tonight, you can dream you're a star
You can walk on the clouds
And float to the ground
And I'm with you
Tonight, you can get very far
The calm and the storm
Are forever yours
And I'm with you

I've thrown coins in the fountain
I've been to the mountain
I've lived through the violence
I've seen what man can do to man
I can't promise you peace
I can't promise you money
But I promise to make you the best man I can
Hold on to something
Cause your life's about to begin

Chao Chao Arequipa

Mamí- tú eres mi otra mama, una de mis mejores amigas y one of the best women I know. No sé if we will meet again en esta vida, pero soy una persona diferente por causa de tu amor. Te amo muchísimo. Gracias por tu patience con mi mezcla de Spanish y ingles. Besitos con mucho carinito. :)

Fio- how lucky I´ve been to have another little sister! You are one of the most intelligent, radiant and loving people I know. Keep asking questions, loving Michael Jackson´s music and being ¨abnormal¨!

Lucy- you are what made this experience possible for me. I will never forget your generosity through the form of open doors, ears and arms. Thank you so much for your patience with my terrible Spanish! You are one of the best encouragers I know!

Arequipa- I will miss your forever-sunny climate. ...I´ll also miss drinking and clubbing for hardly any money, but this is supposed to be a SERIOUS blog post :) I will miss horseback riding through your mountains and villages. I will miss the friendly, laid-back atmosphere. But most of all, I will miss seeing your volcanoes from my window every sunrise and sunset.

Today´s SotD is perfect for this goodbye. I emo´d out to this song, I confess, every time I felt lonely 2 summers ago when I first stayed to work in Davidson. It was a confusing yet liberating time for me. And here I am with these emotions again. I´ll let Mr.A-Z take it from here...watch the video so you can read the lyrics!

Taking It Back to the Beginning

I've been terrible about keeping this Song of the Day a daily thing, but what can a sick girl do? So today, I'm gonna do a bunch of songs to make up for those I've missed and the ones I'm bound to in the future.

Today's songs are from my childhood. They're my first memories of music. When I was 3, I remember singing to these songs as the co-pilot in my mom's small red Saab on the way uptown, to preschool or to church. I remember cracking an imaginary whip to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Busy Man" on his first album. (Of course, we had the tape.) I remember thinking one of my favorite Gaither Vocal Band songs "New Wine" said "Moo Wine". (I lived on a farm, surrounded my cows...are we surprised?) And it wasn't the "Gaither Vocal Band". It was the Loafer Gaifer Band or Vocal Gaifer Band, or however it managed to come out. Kinda like KFC was always Chicken Fried Chicken in my mind. It still is if I don't stop and think about it before I speak. ANYWAY, these are the first songs I ever knew. Therefore, they obviously shaped the person I became.

The first song was and is a favorite because (duh) it talks about horses and has a classical music prelude. But the older I get, the more I enjoy and can appreciate the words. I've always loved Steven Curtis Chapman...he just seems to get what it's all about. Love. Grace. An adventure and the thirst to know more about life along the way. When I get bogged down, like today in my final paper and parasites (yes, I've got 2 lil Peruvian friends that I'm currently zapping with some nasty medicine), I listen to a song like this. I'll be traveling for 3 weeks all around Peru, starting this weekend. That's another time to listen to this song. Read the lyrics...I especially love the part about "long-faced religion"! :D

The Great Adventure

Saddle up your horses

Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle, try to make it better than the last

I opened up the Bible, and I read about me
Said I'd been a prisoner, and God's grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages, it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me, and I heard somebody say
"Let's go"!

Saddle up your horses, we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

Come on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long-faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for

We'll travel over, over mountains so high
We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all, we'll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreams



The second song is from an old tape we had by Michael Card. This, too, I appreciate the older I get. Sometimes, it's easy to feel like a fool because of having faith in something you can't prove. Espcially during this time in my life (college) when people typically question their beliefs, surroundings and raisings.

I will never think that there is anything wrong with questioning what you learn...if there's one thing I hate, it's a sheep (or clone, robot, whatever you want to call it!) I can't stand narrow-mindedness. It's why I'll never live again where I was raised. Many people, though, would probably think I am a fool, like this next song says. That doesn't bother me. I've wrestled with my faith day in and day out and found it to be what keeps me going. I've determined that I'd rather be foolishly in love than not.

God's Own Fool

Seems I've imagined Him all of my life
As the wisest of all of mankind
But if God's Holy wisdom is foolish to men
He must have seemed out of His mind

For even His family said He was mad
And the priests said a demon's to blame
But God in the form of this angry young man
Could not have seemed perfectly sane

When we in our foolishness thought we were wise
He played the fool and He opened our eyes
When we in our weakness believed we were strong
He became helpless to show we were wrong

And so we follow God's own fool
For only the foolish can tell-
Believe the unbelievable
And come be a fool as well

So come lose your life for a carpenter's son
For a madman who died for a dream
And you'll have the faith His first followers had
And you'll feel the weight of the beam

So surrender the hunger to say you must know
Have the courage to say I believe
For the power of paradox opens your eyes
And blinds those who say they can see



Here's another wonderful S.C.C. song. It basically describes, well, my life.

Lord of the Dance [Col 1:15-20]

On the bank of the Tennessee River
In a small Kentucky town
I drew my first breath one cold November morning
And before my feet even touched the ground
With the doctors and the nurses gathered 'round
I started to dance

A little boy full of wide-eyed wonder
Footloose and fancy free
But it would happen, as it does for every dancer
That I'd stumble on a truth I couldn't see
And find a longing deep inside of me, it said...

I am the heart, I need the heartbeat
I am the eyes, I need the sight
I realize that I am just a body
I need the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But who'll give purpose to chance?
I am the dancer
I need the Lord of the dance

The world beneath us spins in circles
And this life makes us twist and turn and sway
But we were made for more than rhythm with no reason
By the one who moves with passion and with grace
As He dances over all that He has made

I am the heart, He is the heartbeat
I am the eyes, He is the sight
And I see clearly, I am just a body
He is the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But He gives purpose to chance
I am the dancer
He is the Lord of the dance

And while the music of His love and mercy plays
I will fall down on my knees and I will pray

I am the heart, You are the heartbeat
I am the eyes, You are the sight
And I see clearly, I am just a body
You are the life
I move my feet, I go through the motions
But You give purpose to chance
I am the dancer
You are the Lord of the dance

Blogging as a Form of Procrastination

Last night was the goodbye dinner. Already! To really understand what it was like, go to Facebook for pictures. A brief run-down: I was in a dance with 4 different modern dances (hip-hop, salsa, samba and some kinda Latino mix), I played and sang Jackson 5's "I'll Be There" with my host sister, there was a fancy dinner, then a traditional dance with costumes (YAY!) that involves rapid jumping the ENTIRE time. Afterward, fiesta! All the host families and people involved in the program danced until after midnight. When we finally left, confetti covered the floor, the DJ was packing up and we had pieces of tres leches cake in our hands to take home. :D

Today, I should be researching, reading my sources and then writing a final 10-page history paper. It's the last thing I have to do before my goodbyes and then 3 weeks of travel. That's why I just can't seem to get on it. Funny how that works. Probably, when I'm done with this post, I'll go watch a Discovery Channel episode on Pizarro and Peru's conquest (in Spanish), then read some articles before dinner at a creperia with our Spanish prof. Whew.

Last night, probably half of the songs were from the 80s. Peruvians are OBSESSED with that era of music. I hear it in my house, across the road at weddings, in taxis, in Rosita's bus, and at parties like anoche. So, to keep with that tradition, today's song is from 1981..."Every Little Thing She Does is Magic".

This song always picks me up and makes me want to dance around the room (Do I cut the fool? Oh yes!) I also love the lyrics. So read them and click "play" to listen as you do something today. I also encourage a few head bobs and finger taps.

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met?
It's a big enough umbrella
But it's always me that ends up getting wet

I resolve to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old-fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone?

Sick Day...Again

Oy. I´m stuck in the house, again, sick to my stomach. I should be out and about, looking for primary sources for my final research paper, but I just can´t leave a bathroom for that long :( Over-share, I´m sure.

I´m in an Elton John mood today. He´s mellow (¨Sacrifice¨), he´s in your face (¨The Bitch is Back¨), he´s mushy (¨The One¨)...he covers about every emotion. One of my favorite songs came up randomly on my iTunes today, and it just felt like the SotD. (See 1st song) The lyrics are perfect.

The 2nd song is one I didn´t listen to on the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album until last year. I wish I had known it sooner because I love it! Listen to both and read the words! I´m gonna go drink a Nalgene-full of Gaterade and eat some All-Bran. Bleh.

I Guess That´s Why They Call It the Blues

Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I could honestly say
That things can only get better

And while I'm away
Dust out the demons inside
And it won't be long before you and me run
To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man

Wait on me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself



Harmony

Hello, baby hello
Haven't seen your face for a while
Have you quit doing time for me?
Or are you still the same spoiled child?

Hello, I said hello
Is this the only place you thought to go?
Am I the only man you ever had?
Or am I just the last surviving friend that you know?

Harmony and me
We're pretty good company
Looking for an island
In our boat upon the sea
Harmony, gee I really love you
And I want to love you forever
I dream of never, never, never leaving harmony

Hello, baby hello
Open up your heart and let your feelings flow
You're not unlucky knowing me
Keeping the speed real slow
In any case I set my own pace
By stealing the show, say hello, hello

Post from 10/21/09

(sorry, I didn´t have the internet to get this up on time)

One by one, the days are slipping by.

Today is a month until I fly home.

Tomorrow is my last class.

I leave Arequipa on Halloween.

The days are suddenly very bittersweet. Simultaneously, I'm counting down the days until I'm home with friends and family AND the days I have left in this beautiful country.

The SotD is one that I've been playing over and over on my iPod. I LOVE the voices in this song...so raw, strong and joyful. If I turn the music up just loud enough, I always get chills. I wish I could sing like this. I'm also fascinated by how, even though I can't understand their words, I still see pictures and feel certain emotions. Elation, hope and a sense of unity. No lyrics for this one, so just turn it way up and enjoy!

Beside the Garden Wall, Dreaming of a Song

I keep forgetting it´s spring here. But a certain lover boy (say it ¨love-a¨) insists on reminding me.

A sleek black cat mosies in the side garden/patio below my window all day and all night, looking. And meowing. Correction...YOWLing. Seriously, all he does is wander and yowl. He and I have had several conversations, usually as follows:

Me (sticking head out window): Mr. Kitty, why are you talkin so much?!
Mr. Kitty (staring): ... yowl?
Me: Mr. Kitty, you are distracting me from writing this history paper. Could you keep it down?
Mr. Kitty (turning and giving me his tail): Yowl. (aka ¨talk to the tail¨)
Me (shutting the window): K thanks.

You may be asking, how do I know that he´s a he? Isn´t it OBVIOUS? All he does is yowl and circle our garden. Oh, and I forgot to mention the noises. At night, always around 3 in the morning, he has company. And believe you me, they LOVE to make some noise. I kinda wanna grab a papaya from the kitchen bowl and chunk it at the pair, shouting, ¨Could ya take your love-makin somewhere else?!¨ It gets down-right depressing. I lay in bed for an hour, laughing to myself and thinking, ¨At least SOMEONE´s having fun.¨

Last night, he was at it earlier than normal, right around my bedtime. So, to drown out the noise, I stuck in my earphones and put my iPod on shuffle. The SotD was the 1st one and too perfect not to post. I laughed out loud last night, thinking that this song was appropriate for my lil love-a boy outside. I also just love the words as a bittersweet love song. If you wanna go way back in time, check out this video of Nat and revel in his velvety-smooth voice.

Stardust

And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little stars climb
Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away
Leaving me a song that will not die
Love is now the stardust of yesterday
The music of the years gone by

Sometimes I wonder why I spend
The lonely night dreaming of a song
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you
When our love was new
And each kiss an inspiration
But that was long ago
Now my consolation
Is in the stardust of a song

Beside a garden wall
When stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
A paradise where roses bloom
Though I dream in vain
In my heart it will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of love's refrain

SotD

A Song For You

I’ve been so many places in my life and time
I’ve sung a lot of songs, and I made some bad rhymes
I‘ve acted out my life on stages, with ten thousand people watching
But were alone now, and I’m singing this song to you.

I know your image of me is what I hope to be.
I’ve treated you unkindly, but darlin’ can’t you see.
There’s no one more important to me, baby can’t you see through me.
Cuz were alone now, and I’m singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets, of a true love, withholding nothing.
You came out in front when I was hiding.
But now I’m so much better, and if my words don’t come together
Listen to the melody, cuz my love is in there hiding.

I love you in a place, where there’s no space or time.
I love you for my life, you’re a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song to you.


(lemme know if the video doesn't work...)

Don´t Stop Me Now!

Whew! The end of the week...finally! Today means I´ve turned in my final paper´s thesis. It means the next-to-last dance class. It means dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, Tacos & Tequila. It means Ladies Night at Forum or salsa dancing! It means only one more week of class! Where did the time go?!

Today´s been amazing so far...my favorite breakfast of a homemade strawberry milkshake and a fresh piece of bread with caramel spread. Then art class which meant me painting a ceramic that ended up looking like a preschooler´s project (what can I say? Savannah got ALL of the visual art talent in the family!) Kate told me she hoped, centuries later, people wouldn´t find MY piece. THANKS. ;) Right after class, about half of our group went to the cervezaria in town...a BEER plant! The tour was really cool even though my headset kept falling off my tiny head. At the end, we all got 4 glasses full of their different beers and a bowl of potato chips that the US should seriously consider importing. Not being a huge beer fan, I just had 1 glass and lots of chips!

Now I´m home about to have lunch with Mamí y Fio. At 5 is dance class then out! Tomorrow, several of us are heading to the beach yet again, but this time, to Lucy´s beach pad. YAY! Therefore, today´s SotDs are upbeat Queen songs. ¨Don´t stop me now!¨ is the day´s anthem. Actually, I managed to get this song stuck in about everyone´s head today during class, so it´s really appropriate. Take a listen and read over the lyrics. Also, keep in mind that my 12 year old host sister listens to this 1st song about everyday. Queen will always make me think of Peru after this trip. Enjoy! (Please watch to see how funky Freddie Mercury looks!)



Don´t Stop Me Now

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world it's turning inside out Yeah!
I'm floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time

I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man of you

Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite I'm out of control
I am a sex machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh oh oh oh oh explode

I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman out of you

Don't stop me don't stop me don't stop me
Hey hey hey!
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh ooh (I like it)
Don't stop me have a good time good time
Don't stop me don't stop me
Ooh ooh Alright
I'm burning through the skies Yeah!
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm trav'ling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you



You´re My Best Friend

Oooo you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooo, you make me live now honey
Ooo, you make me live

You're the best friend
That I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend

Ooo, you make me live
I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me girl
I'm happy, happy at home
You're my best friend.

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things that you do
You're my best friend

A Day Inside

Apparently, the verduras revueltas (mixed veggie dish) I had for lunch yesterday is now revuelt-ing my stomach, to put it politely. For the 2nd time in 2 weeks, I watched the sun rise from the bathroom. Bleh. Therefore, I didn't go to class. After I crawled shakily back into bed, I slept hard until 10:30.

Now I'm up and looking for academic articles on Project Muse and Jstor for a history paper, and all the while, I'm listening to my music. Today is a mellower music day. It fits with my so/so feeling and need to relax.

Today's SotD is "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. If you've ever seen that adorable late 80s movie "Say Anything", you'll recognize this song as the one John Cusack plays on the boom box held over his head, right under his girlfriend's window. I love the words and the music, so look AND listen! Besides, this music video's hilarious with his dancing. Now for some chicken soup...



In Your Eyes

Love, I get so lost sometimes
Days pass
And this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted
And this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you
To keep me awake and alive

And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

In your eyes
The light the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
The heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes in your eyes

Weekend at Quilca

This past weekend was a perfect Peruvian weekend. We (all but one of the Davidson students and 6 instructors/drivers...20 in total) went to Quilca, which looks like the picture at the top of this page. Pretty breathtaking.

Being on Peruvian time (always late), we left at 9 in the morning instead of 8. I ended up riding in the all-boy truck, since they basically begged for a female. Picture two crazy Peruvian guys up front, deciding which shortcut to take through which sand dune while I'm thrown back 'n forth between Ned and David. It was awesome, really, because it was like dune buggying, just with rock 'n roll! After 3 hours and an awkward potty break behind a building (you know it's an adventure when there are no toilets, I've realized), we arrived at the secluded beach of Quilca. It was cloudy Saturday, but that didn't stop some of us, including myself, from hopping in the water between the land and the sand. We were located on a peninsula of sand between a river, a little warm pool it formed, and the freezing Pacific, so we had plenty of options.

Then we got into our wetsuits. First, we did a bunch of funny-looking stretches to loosen up (since body boarding is SO intense, ha) and then we went into the warm pool to practice maneuvers. Side note: Since I could swim, I've always boogie boarded at the beach. I usually just catch a wave and do my own thing. Little did I know that there are actual MOVES to learn. OK, back to the story. We learned how to turn, paddle, and the hardest maneuver, how to dive under a wave with the board.

After about 30 mins of practice, we body boarders trekked back across the sand and went into the ocean. It was so cold, it knocked the wind out of you. But the worst part wasn't the cold but the rocks. Steve, the instructor, went out with me first, but it took minutes to get past the smallest breakers. That's because, for about 10 feet, this beach had stones the size of silver dollars everywhere. Which meant it was impossible to stand with any comfort because they were too small to balance on but too big to be like pebbles. Which also meant, whenever a breaker came, you would fall to your knees because your balance was so bad. (Today, my knees are still black and blue and all scratched up.) Finally, though, we got out behind the breakers, and I eventually rode in a wave. By the way, the waves like those in NC. Kinda funny that I paid to do what I usually do (boogie board in fairly tame waves), but oh well! I tried to go back out on my own, but without shoes, I just couldn't.

Afterwards, we made una fugata (campfire) and turned on my iPod in the nearest 4x4. It was so overcast, it even sprinkled a little, but the fire kept us comfy. These clouds meant, too, that it got dark early. So, by 7p, we were asking, "What time is it? 9 o'clock, right?" Therefore, it turned out to be a long, fun, eventful night.

There was, of course, some mixed drinks to be had and then some dancing. We danced as near as we could to the campfire for hours, and whenever an epic song came on, we sang at the top of our lungs. Below is one such song. The song of the weekend was really "Because I Got High" since I heard it in the boy truck coming and going, but that's not very appropriate! Later, we played a game of "Never have I ever" which meant lots of laughs and even a naked lap by a pair of people! By midnight, most people were in bed, but I was hanging out with a new doggy friend and my iPod by the campfire.

That night, I didn't sleep too well with the combo of my doggy friend/cuddle partner, the chilly but also sweaty feeling that comes with sleeping in a sleeping bag and no back support. Around 6 the next morning, Steve and others were already getting up to go boarding, so I only got about 3 hours of sleep. That was fine, though, because I got to nap on the beach. Sunday was perfectly sunny and hot! I swam and floated (with shoes, finally!) without a board for probably an hour in the ocean, went on a solo nature walk down the beach and up a nearby mountain with my doggy friend, ate amazing grilled chicken and sunned a bun. By 4 that afternoon, we were perfectly content, tired, sandy and with terrible hair. After 3 hours and all of Queen's greatest hits, we were back home to showers and bed.

The absolute coolest thing of the weekend was probably my animal encounters. Animal encounter #1: As soon as we got to the beach, we saw sea lions in the waves. Sure enough, while you were swimming, you could see them a few meters away. (SO COOL!) That night, when the music was finally off, you could hear them mooing. Animal encounter #2: While out floating past the breakers Sunday with David, he pointed out a weird gull before catching a wave. What he missed was...it wasn't a gull. The bill, the way it was swimming, it's coloration...it was a PENGUIN! I was swimming 10 ft from a penguin! *dorky flail* If anything, that tells you how COLD the water was!

Below is a song from this weekend and other times. The words may be a bit dramatic, but they ring true sometimes. I listened to this song on repeat all summer of '08 and even when I got to Peru. It's a pretty epic R&B/pop duet by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, so read the words for a refresher or for the first time, and watch the video! It's adorably anxty, if that's even a word.



No Air (feat. Chris Brown)

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

(Jordin)
If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh

(Chris)
I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

(Jordin)
But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

(Chris)
I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

(Jordin)
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

(both)
So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Measuring a Year

You know those days when things are fuzzy around the edges? When people talk to you, but they might as well be talking at you or through you? When one minute you're paying attention to your surroundings and then, suddenly, you're somewhere different and you don't know how you got there? That's how my day was yesterday.

Maybe it was the 2 hours straight of Spanish grammar review. Maybe it was the boring lecture on population decline during the Spanish conquest of Peru. I dunno.

Today is Saturday for me because it's a national holiday. (No school!) We girls went poolside and had lunch at ZigZag, a great place for crepes. Tomorrow's free, as always, and then Saturday, I'm leaving for a 2-day beach trip. The whole group's going to a beach outside of Arequipa to learn how to body board. Saturday night, we're camping out beside the waves with a campfire, tents and all. Yet, with all of these exciting plans in store, I was still out of it.

Yesterday, I felt like my inside self had vacated my body to wander. It was searching for the right pick-me-up. A hug. Tender words. A porch swing at sunset. A piano. A close friend. A day in bed. The attention span to read. A homecoming. Something!

I'm very aware that this weekend is Fall Break at Davidson. For some unknown reason, I'm a little jealous. I'm jealous that people are going places with friends and celebrating being a senior. I'm jealous of road trips. When was the last time I was in a car that wasn't a taxi? I'm jealous that they're taking stimulating classes, even though they have so much more work. (When did I think I would ever complain about THAT?) I'm jealous that they're all together. Oooh, I hate being jealous!

To snap out of it, I tend to look out my window at the volcanoes. Or go riding or stargazing. Going outside saves me and also crushes me. The air revitalizes, but the wind in the trees takes my mind to the North Carolina mountains and flaming hardwoods. When I come in from a late night at a club or bar, before sticking my key in the apartment door, I stand out on the patio, staring up at the sky. Orion's belt is visible here like it is at home. The same full moon. It's the same sky, really. But then I see the Southern Cross. I finally walk inside, trying not to think about the distance.

I've been more with it today. I had time alone in the house to actually sing out loud. For some reason, I'm in a Broadway mood today. I started out (strangely enough) with Grease, then switched to Tarzan, then Wicked and ended with one of my faves, RENT. I love this show's message. Need I remind you? "No day but today!" So when the simple introductory piano chords of "Seasons of Love" filled my room, my entire mood changed. This song fits with my pensive mood of yesterday and my sunnier feeling today (probably due to all the time laying out!) :)

It's been a year since one of the best times of my life...junior year fall break. It was the kind of time when I couldn't complain about a thing. I was at the beach with my dearest friends - we cooked, laughed, stayed up late and slept in, ate the world's greasiest fried green tomatoes and got plenty of sand in between our toes.

Looking back, how do I remember times like these in the past year? "In daylights? In sunsets?" "In laughter and strife?" As the song tells you to do, I've realized I can only measure these times in Love. And I think that's why I was out of it yesterday yet happy today. Love comes with all of these emotions. As someone wise told me recently to do, I want to own them and feel them.

Watch this clip (it's so perfect!) Read the following words. Take a moment to reflect on the past 525,600 minutes. Can you measure them in Love?

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love?
How about love? Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now to sing out
Though the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year
in the life of friends

Remember the love
(Oh you got to, got to)
Remember the love
(Remember the love)
Seasons of love
(Measure measure you life in love)
Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Walk Beside Me (SotD)

Put one foot in front of the other
Steppin into the here and now
I'm not sure just where I'm goin
but I will get there anyhow

I got this far with no direction
Followed my nose to where I stand
My heart's still strong, I know I'll make it
Sit right down in the promised land

Sister come and walk beside me, until our pathways do divide
Nothin much but love to give you, even less have I to hide

When you left me in the spring time
So many questions in my mind
Summer came and left me waitin
Not one answer could I find

I see you in the Rocky Mountains
I feel you on the great North Sea
It's a lonesome road I have to travel
But you will always be with me

Brother come and walk beside me, until our pathways do divide
Nothin much but love to give you, even less have I to hide

I hear laughter in the thunder
I feel comfort on the wind
I see hope in hopeless faces
Someday they will love again

People come and walk beside me, until our pathways do divide
Nothin much but love to give you, even less have I to hide


...I hope this video works!

Afternoon Conversation with My Other Mommy

I didn't get out of bed this morning until after 11. All the homework I had waiting wasn't that appealing. Nevertheless, I eventually shuffled into the common room to find my host grandmother and mom grinning at me.

"How was last night?!"

A sheepish yawn. "Bien."

"Que paso?"

"We just danced and danced."

"When did you get back?" Grins on both of their faces.

With a tiny smile: "About 2:30."

"Yay!"

I have a very cool host family. I'm lucky. Some host families only talk to their student about how late they've been getting in. Some never take meals together. Some have strong opinions, are domineering and almost scary. Some host siblings refuse to take their guest out with them and their friends. But I'm lucky. I have a family that mirrors mine at home...they love me.

My host mom and I talk about whatever, just like me and my real mom. She asks about my friends here and at home. We take every meal together, even if she's busy (she works not 1 but 2 jobs!) She lets me borrow her gorgeous tops and scarves for going out. And my host sister is adorable and so talkative! Conversations with her always challenge and help my Spanish.

This afternoon with my host mom was extra special (and more amazing Spanish practice). It started out with the simple situation of being in the same room at the same time. I was checking my email, she was doing her homework for the kindergarten English class she teaches. Then she asked after my friends. We talked, in depth, about the night before. We chatted about my friends at home and how much I miss them and why I love them. (It's SO easy to go on and on about the people you love, isn't it?)

Then somehow we started talking about God. If you know me, I can talk forever about this. My host mom and I have had religious conversations before, and we see many things eye-to-eye. This isn't necessary, but it helps us relate.

We delved into "sin". Her situation: she's Catholic and has had two husbands, but she's currently divorced. Naturally, priests have given her different (and often, negative) feedback. She's adjusted her religion, therefore, to fit her beliefs based on her own experiences, like many of us do. She believes in a God of love. Of grace. Of equality. When she talks about her God, she grins and gets watery-eyed.

Oooh boy, she opened the floodgate! I got all teary-eyed too and started to talk about God's love for me. Regardless of what I've done or will do. How I believe God loves everyone. The finished work. All of that. We just nodded from across the room at each other and smiled. We connected as sisters in that moment.

Then I asked about Arequipa and how accepting the people are of differences. Are people racist? Sexist? Homophobic? She answered that the people tend to be more of all of these here in the south of Peru, just like in the southern US. I flinched. People are more religious and therefore (contradictorily so, we think) more closed-minded and less willing to love everyone. We almost cried again when discussing how people have to hide their sexual preferences. Or sexual activity in general. How the indigenous population is still oppressed. How when a husband leaves a wife, it can be the "woman's fault" or people say "she should be happy that he provided for her for so long." BULL SHIT! Absolute bull!

She, personally, is supportive of all differences. Different sexual preferences, races, socioeconomic levels, etc. Did I mention I love this woman? She is a walking, talking example of grace and a free, curious mind.

Then we talked about science. Do people mix religion and science? Again, kinda like the South. It depends. She, like me, appreciates and wants to know more about both.

We talked and talked. Finally, when I looked at the clock, it was 2 hours later and lunch time! We realized this at the same time and started to mess around the kitchen together. As usual, she started preparing some fresh veggies for a salad. That's when I noticed her cutting green beans with a knife. I giggled.

"What, Dev?"

"Mom, like this."

I proceeded to grab a bean, snap off the ends and then snap snap snap it into smaller sections. She gasped.

"No! How do you know this?"

"I grew up in the South!"

For ten minutes, I stood their snapping green beans and opening pea shells while she worked on cooking some pork. I couldn't stop grinning. I was standing in a Peruvian kitchen with a woman that I loved dearly, doing things that I would do at home. The reality of how different yet similar our worlds can be suddenly hit me. When I was done, she thanked me. I said, "De nada" and then smelled my fingertips. The familiar odor of greens, now with a hint of lime.

She asked me again about some friends. When talking about a certain girlfriend of mine, she said in Spanish, "Love is blind, but your neighbors can see!" I laughed while once again appreciating my parallel American/Peruvian worlds.

"It's So Hard for Me to Sleep at Night"

This weekend has been amazing so far. It all started on Thursday (as usual) when some of us went to a fave bar, Split, and then Forum to dance. Friday consisted of sleeping in, slinking around the house in my PJs til 2p, talking to my daddy on the phone (yay!), playing for 3 hrs with the kids at the women's shelter and then going to an amazing Gaston restaurant downtown called Chi Cha. I had the best oriental salad, frozen orange juice and queso helado...mmm mmm perfecto! Today, the group headed out to Cerro Verde, a copper mine about 30 mins outside of Arequipa. We had a really interesting tour and a great view of the volcano chain. I then tried to take a nap when I got home, but I just couldn't. My iPod called. Finally, tonight, I went dancing after playing a hilarious game of Scrabble at the only Irish pub in town. *whew*

So here I am, around 3 AM, not able to sleep and thinking about the dear ole SotD.

The following songs are the kind I listen to while getting read to go out (or "oot and aboot"). They get me dancing and singing, and plain ole actin da fool! Both are songs I love to listen to in my car, windows down, sunroof back and the volume WAY up. The 1st is a fairly new one by Kelly Clarkson. I don't tend to love girl rockers, but this song has my vote. It's just fun! Give it a listen if you haven't heard it before. The 2nd song is by two HOT brothers and it, too, is cheesy fun.

Whenever I'm out having fun here, it can be very bittersweet. The times I have the most fun are usually when I miss the ones I love most. I want them to be with me, too, having the same experience. These songs, though, keep me upbeat through those pensive times. So read the lyrics, take a few minutes out of your day to smile and act the fool!


Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You (Official Music Video) - Click here for funny video clips

My Life Would Suck Without You

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way, I found out I'm nothing without you

'Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly,
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Being with you
Is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you
But I can’t let you go

I actually can't find this video to post on here. BUT, please go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWOtR0PHnIE to listen and watch! Sorry!

Hey Now Now

On the inside
Do you know what you're about?
When I see you,
I wanna free you
Cuz you're always freaking out.
We could be riding on the waves of an ocean, baby,
Flying to the beat of our hearts...
I wanna make you a star

Hey now now,
Don't you know
It's not really that complicated
Hey now now
When you come and go
It's so hard for me to sleep at night
Hey now now
Listen you
Think of all of the time we've wasted
Hey now now, hey now now, hey now now...

From the outside
Looking in I see your bright light
Yeah, believe it when I say
Everything will be alright!

Gonna stay right here when your sun
don't shine
While your head's still up in the clouds
For crying out loud!

Hey Now Now
Listen you
Think of all of the time we've wasted
Don't ask how but dreams come true
And we'll find a way to make it right

And if you think that innocence is dead
I'll say it's all inside your head
I've got to tell you how I feel
And you know we're gonna make it for real

Meet me halfway
We can't help but come together
I'll make you happy
I'll show you what this love's about