Maybe it was the 2 hours straight of Spanish grammar review. Maybe it was the boring lecture on population decline during the Spanish conquest of Peru. I dunno.
Today is Saturday for me because it's a national holiday. (No school!) We girls went poolside and had lunch at ZigZag, a great place for crepes. Tomorrow's free, as always, and then Saturday, I'm leaving for a 2-day beach trip. The whole group's going to a beach outside of Arequipa to learn how to body board. Saturday night, we're camping out beside the waves with a campfire, tents and all. Yet, with all of these exciting plans in store, I was still out of it.
Yesterday, I felt like my inside self had vacated my body to wander. It was searching for the right pick-me-up. A hug. Tender words. A porch swing at sunset. A piano. A close friend. A day in bed. The attention span to read. A homecoming. Something!
I'm very aware that this weekend is Fall Break at Davidson. For some unknown reason, I'm a little jealous. I'm jealous that people are going places with friends and celebrating being a senior. I'm jealous of road trips. When was the last time I was in a car that wasn't a taxi? I'm jealous that they're taking stimulating classes, even though they have so much more work. (When did I think I would ever complain about THAT?) I'm jealous that they're all together. Oooh, I hate being jealous!
To snap out of it, I tend to look out my window at the volcanoes. Or go riding or stargazing. Going outside saves me and also crushes me. The air revitalizes, but the wind in the trees takes my mind to the North Carolina mountains and flaming hardwoods. When I come in from a late night at a club or bar, before sticking my key in the apartment door, I stand out on the patio, staring up at the sky. Orion's belt is visible here like it is at home. The same full moon. It's the same sky, really. But then I see the Southern Cross. I finally walk inside, trying not to think about the distance.
I've been more with it today. I had time alone in the house to actually sing out loud. For some reason, I'm in a Broadway mood today. I started out (strangely enough) with Grease, then switched to Tarzan, then Wicked and ended with one of my faves, RENT. I love this show's message. Need I remind you? "No day but today!" So when the simple introductory piano chords of "Seasons of Love" filled my room, my entire mood changed. This song fits with my pensive mood of yesterday and my sunnier feeling today (probably due to all the time laying out!) :)
It's been a year since one of the best times of my life...junior year fall break. It was the kind of time when I couldn't complain about a thing. I was at the beach with my dearest friends - we cooked, laughed, stayed up late and slept in, ate the world's greasiest fried green tomatoes and got plenty of sand in between our toes.
Looking back, how do I remember times like these in the past year? "In daylights? In sunsets?" "In laughter and strife?" As the song tells you to do, I've realized I can only measure these times in Love. And I think that's why I was out of it yesterday yet happy today. Love comes with all of these emotions. As someone wise told me recently to do, I want to own them and feel them.
Watch this clip (it's so perfect!) Read the following words. Take a moment to reflect on the past 525,600 minutes. Can you measure them in Love?
Seasons of Love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love?
How about love? Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?
In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died
It's time now to sing out
Though the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year
in the life of friends
Remember the love
(Oh you got to, got to)
Remember the love
(Remember the love)
Seasons of love
(Measure measure you life in love)
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
Thank you for sharing this! It was touching to me to think, yes, I can look back on the past and see ups and down, but I can also see Love. For me it reminded me that God in His love has carried me through so much! Are you sure you're only 21? You are a very wise soul!
ReplyDeleteYour pensive mood sounds familiar to me from the time I lived in Brazil. I remember feeling that and sometimes not being able to pinpoint why I felt out of it. I remember the stars too, remember looking up at them when I stayed at a friend's house outside the city. It's a special thing to see those different stars, isn't it?
I've heard that homesickness / culture shock peaks in the 3rd month in a foreign country. Have you experienced that to be true? I believe it was true for me, but not severe. Probably because I was beginning to pick up the language a lot more by then. You are already ahead of the game knowing Spanish going in! I came in knowing almost no Portuguese. I remember in one home, a lady said something to her dog and the dog obeyed her command - I had no idea what she was saying and grumbled "this dog understands more Portuguese than I do grrrr"!
Hahaha, yup just 21! ;) Maybe it's because I've experienced that Love...
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with the 3rd month homesickness theory. It's starting to go downhill now, but that's probably because I'm about to travel a bunch and have a great time! :D
That's hilarous about the dog! But I've definitely had moments like that. Like the toddlers at my internship at a women's shelter understanding more Spanish than me...sooo frustrating! Hope all is well for you and thanks for stopping by